*Geminiによる採点
今日の題材
私は絶対に田舎での生活のほうがいいと感じていて、その理由はシンプルです。人間は、他のすべての種と同様、自然の中で暮らすように進化しました。自然な生活のほうがより健康的かつ安らかで、さらに体と心の両方にとって良いのです。田舎の環境では、私たちの体は自然にゆったりとし、自然のリズムに順応していきます。私たちは都会の環境では、寿命を縮め惨めな気持ちにさせるものすごい量の人工的なストレスに曝されています。これこそ、休暇が取れた時に人々が田舎に脱出したくなる理由ですよね？田舎での生活は自然と私たちに呼びかけてきます。田舎こそ、私たちがいるべき場所なのです。
添削後の回答
I firmly believe that a rural lifestyle is superior to an urban lifestyle for a simple reason: humans, like all other species, have evolved to live in harmony with nature. A natural lifestyle is inherently healthier and more conducive to both physical and mental well-being. In a rural setting, our bodies can easily relax and synchronize with the natural rhythm of the world around us. In contrast, urban environments bombard us with significant artificial stress, which can shorten our lives and contribute to feelings of misery. This is precisely why people yearn to escape to the countryside whenever they have the chance. A rural lifestyle calls to us on a fundamental level; it is where we truly belong.
自分の解答
I absolutely feel that a rural lifestyle is better than urban lifestyle and that reason is simple. Mankind which is the same as other species has been evolved living with nature. Nature lifestyle is more healthy and feel relief, the more good for both body and mental. In rural area, our body make easy to relax and adjust to nature reathom. We are supposing to tremendous artificial stress which makes our life shorten and our feeling miserable in rural area. This is the reason why people want to go to rural when they can get their vacation right? A rural lifestyle naturally recall us. The rural is the site which we should be.
Genmiによる講評
添削箇所と添削理由
文法・語彙
- “Mankind which is the same as other species has been evolved living with nature.”:
- “evolved” は過去完了形なので、主語 “Mankind” も過去完了形にする必要があります。修正例：“Mankind has evolved to live with nature, just like other species.”
- “Nature lifestyle is more healthy and feel relief, the more good for both body and mental.”:
- “more healthy” は冗長なので “healthier” に修正します。
- “feel relief” は “feel relieved” に修正します。
- 文法的に不自然なので、”;” で区切って二文に分割します。修正例：“A natural lifestyle is healthier and more relaxing, which is good for both body and mind.”
- “In rural area, our body make easy to relax and adjust to nature reathom.”:
- “make easy” は不自然な表現なので、”makes it easy” に修正します。
- “reathom” は誤字と思われます。おそらく “rhythm” が正しいと考えられます。修正例：“In a rural area, our bodies find it easy to relax and adjust to the natural rhythm.”
- “We are supposing to tremendous artificial stress which makes our life shorten and our feeling miserable in rural area.”:
- “are supposing to” は不自然な表現なので、”are subjected to” に修正します。
- “tremendous” は大げさな表現なので、”significant” に修正します。
- 文法的に不自然なので、”,” で区切って二文に分割します。修正例：“In an urban area, we are subjected to significant artificial stress, which shortens our lives and makes us feel miserable.”
表現力
- 全体的に表現が単調で、語彙の幅が狭いです。より豊富な語彙を使って、表現を豊かにする必要があります。