TOEFL ライティング対策 Vol. 25(第1回受験)

*Geminiによる採点

覚えたい英語表現

・There is no question that:疑う余地がない
・offers a wealth of stimulation:あらゆる種類の刺激を提供してくれる
・drawn to the allure of urban life:都市生活の魅力に惹かれて

今日の題材

Is a rural lifestyle preferable to an urban lifestyle?
→ 都会の生活のほうが好ましい

私にとっては、都会生活のほうがいいことに疑問の余地はありません。博物館、ギャラリー、劇場やコンサートホール、レストランやカフェなど—東京のような大都市はあらゆる種類の刺激を提供してくれます。歴史を通して、素晴らしいアーティストや作家、音楽家は都市の引力を感じました。都市は人類を前進させる素晴らしいアイデアが生まれる場所なのです。なぜなら都市は人間同士のふれあいのためのとても多くの機会を提供してくれるからです。田舎で数日過ごすのかはかまいませんが、そのあとは単に退屈なだけです。人生を謳歌する人は活動の起こっている場所にいることを望み、それは都市に暮らすことを意味します。(都市が)大きければ大きいほどいいのです!

添削後の回答

Undoubtedly, urban life is superior to rural life for me. A metropolis like Tokyo offers a wealth of stimulation: galleries, concert halls, restaurants, cafes, and more. Throughout history, great artists, writers, and musicians have been drawn to the allure of urban life. The city is the place where great ideas that propel humanity forward are born, because it provides countless opportunities for human interaction. While spending a few days in the countryside can be enjoyable, it quickly becomes monotonous. People who truly enjoy life want to be where the action is, and that means living in an urban environment. The larger the urban area, the better!

自分の解答

There is no question that urban life is superior to rural one for me. Galaly, Concert Hole, Restaurant and cafe etc— Metropolice like Tokyo offer us a lot of inspiration. Through the history, great artist, writer and musician was attracted by urban attraction. Urban is site that great idea which is propel for mankind born. Because urban area serve many opportunities to communicate with others. It is no problem to live in rural area for a couple of day, but after that you feel monotonous boring. Human who enjoy your life desire to live where human activity happen and it means living in urban environment. It is good that urban area is large more and more.

Genmiによる講評

減点箇所と減点点数

箇所減点点数理由
文法・構文15点– 文法ミス: “Galaly” -> “Gallery”, “Concert Hole” -> “Concert Hall”, “metropolice” -> “metropolis”, “was attracted by” -> “were attracted by”, “is site that” -> “is the place where”, “propel for mankind born” -> “propel humanity forward”, “urban area serve” -> “urban areas offer”, “It is good that urban area is large more and more” -> “The larger the urban area, the better” – 構文ミス:全体的に冗長な表現が多く、簡潔にする必要がある
語彙10点– 単語の誤用: “monotonous boring” -> “monotonous”, “happen” -> “take place” – 単語のレベル: “inspiration” よりも具体的な単語を使うと良い
表現5点– 自然な表現ではない箇所: “There is no question that…” -> “Undoubtedly…”, “great idea which is propel for mankind born” -> “great ideas that propel humanity forward” – 接続詞の使い方:文脈に合わせて適切な接続詞を使用する

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添削箇所と添削理由

1. 文法・構文

  • Galaly -> Gallery
  • Concert Hole -> Concert Hall
  • metropolice -> metropolis
  • was attracted by -> were attracted by
  • is site that -> is the place where
  • propel for mankind born -> propel humanity forward
  • urban area serve -> urban areas offer
  • It is good that urban area is large more and more -> The larger the urban area, the better

2. 語彙

  • monotonous boring -> monotonous
  • happen -> take place
  • inspiration -> より具体的な単語 (例:stimulation, excitement, fulfillment)

3. 表現

  • There is no question that… -> Undoubtedly…
  • great idea which is propel for mankind born -> great ideas that propel humanity forward
  • 接続詞の使い方:文脈に合わせて適切な接続詞を使用する

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