*Geminiによる採点
覚えたい英語表現
・it’s not for me：私はそうではない、私向きではない
・In today’s globalized business environment：今日のグローバル化した社会
・sent abroad：転勤する
今日の題材
家を所有することは、多くの人の夢かもしれませんが、私はそうではありません。機会によっては、地域や都市あるいは国さえも変える自由のほうを好みます。昨今、ビジネスはさらにグローバル化していて、人々は、以前よりもずっと多く、会社によって外国に転勤にさせられるようになってきています。私はそんな会社に働いていて、将来、3年から5年の海外勤務を依頼されることになるだろうと思います。そんな状況で、住宅ローンや家のメンテナンスの負担に対処したくはありません。東京にとどまっても、賃借りが与えてくれる自由の方を好みます。実際、私は持ち家の価値というものは過去のものかもしれない、などと思っていたりするのです。持ち家が現代の仕事の状況に合っているとは思いません。
添削後の回答
Owning a house may be a dream for many people, but it’s not for me. I prefer the freedom to easily change my location, whether it’s within my country or abroad. In today’s globalized business environment, companies are increasingly sending employees on overseas assignments. I work for such a company and expect to be sent abroad for a period of 3-5 years in the future. In that situation, I don’t want to be burdened by a housing loan and house maintenance expenses. I prefer the flexibility that renting provides. In fact, I believe that the value of owning a house is a thing of the past. I don’t think owning a house is compatible with the demands of contemporary work situations.
Owning a home might be the dream of many people, but it’s not for me. I prefer the freedom to change neighborhoods, cities, or even countries depending on the opportunities1. These days, business is more global2, and people are being sent by their companies to work in foreign countries much more than before. I work for such a company, and I expect that in the future I will be asked to work overseas for three to five years.3 I don’t want to deal with the burdens of a mortgage4 and home maintenance in such a stituation. Even if I stay in Tokyo, I prefer the freedom that renting allows. I actually wonder if the value of home ownership might belong to another time. I don’t think it matches the modern work situation.
自分の解答
It’s not for me that owning a house is dream of many people. By circumstance, I prefer freedam that it can easily change the area, city and country. Thesedays, business is becoming globalization, company makes people move to abroad comapared to before. I work at like that company and will be ordered to go abroad after 3-5years in the future. In this condition, I don’t want to deal with both housing loan and house maintanance expenses. I prefer free that renting gives me. In fact, I consider owning house’s valuable is past things. I don’t think owning house is not match for contemporary tasks.
Genmiによる講評
減点箇所と減点点数
- 文法・語彙：10点
- 動詞の時制ミス：4点
- 誤字脱字：3点
- 語彙選択：3点
- 表現力：5点
- 冗長な表現：2点
- 不自然な表現：3点
添削箇所と添削理由
文法・語彙
- 動詞の時制ミス
- “It’s not for me that owning a house is dream of many people.”
- 現在の習慣や状態を表すので、「is」ではなく「has been」が適切。
- “I consider owning house’s valuable is past things.”
- 現在の考えを表すので、「is」ではなく「are」が適切。
- “It’s not for me that owning a house is dream of many people.”
- 誤字脱字
- “Thesedays” -> “These days”
- “comapared” -> “compared”
- “maintanance” -> “maintenance”
- 語彙選択
- “freedam” -> “freedom”
- “valuable” -> “value”
- “contemporary tasks” -> “contemporary work situations”
表現力
- 冗長な表現
- “It’s not for me that owning a house is dream of many people.”
- “Owning a house may be a dream for many people, but it’s not for me.” のように簡潔に表現できる。
- “It’s not for me that owning a house is dream of many people.”
- 不自然な表現
- “I consider owning house’s valuable is past things.”
- “I consider the value of owning a house to be a thing of the past.” のように自然な表現に修正。
- “I consider owning house’s valuable is past things.”